There are a couple of different issues I want to address this St. Valentine's Day, all of which have to do with love. Now, I'm not talking about romantic "in love" love. That's a whole other beast that turns sane people into crazy ones and, if left unrequited, can tear a person apart. On the flip side, it can be wonderful. So I hear. As I said, though, that's not the love I'm talking about here. I'm talking about a more universal kind of love.
Today, on a day devoted to romance and being with the "one", I would like to make my case for love.
We need to take love off its pedestal. A very thoughtful human once told me that. It was a couple of years ago, and I don't know if he remembers saying it, but that concept has stuck with me. We think that love is some limited commodity that is so exceptional that we must only dip into it for the very few. That if we love too much or too many it somehow cheapens our love, makes it common in the worst way. Which is idiotic. Who came up with that idea? Love doesn't "run out". Love should be common. That doesn't make it any less spectacular.
Also, by lifting love to such an elevated level, you have all of a sudden made love scary and/or creepy. Um… last time I checked, that's not what love is about. If we make loving such a big deal, it's going to freak people out. Again, not talking about romantic love. That should scare you a little. But the kind of love that links you to your family or friends should not be uncomfortable. Loving the person sitting across from you on the bus solely because they are your fellow human being should not be weird. We need to bring love down to our level. Love should live among, not above, the masses.
I think part of it has to do with people's view of themselves, and part of it has to do with the perceived pressures of attention. Self-esteem is a tricky thing, and I don't have time to deal with the intricacies of the human psyche and how society has told us we are all unworthy. It's time to get over it. You are worthy of love, and you are loved.
You know what bothers me the most? People who get picky about the type of love with which they are bestowed. The ones who get mopey on Valentine's Day because they haven't found an individual who puts them first, and who they can put first in their lives. What kind of signal does that give to all the people who do love you? That the love of your friends and family isn't good enough? Rude. So you want to get married some day, or heck, go on a date. Maybe if you embrace the love you already have it will make you a more attractive, lovable person for when someone "special" shows up. And in the mean time, you'll be happier. Just saying.
On to the unnecessary pressure people associate with love, whether it be physical, emotional, or otherwise. Yes, most of the people I interact with are in the point in their lives where they are trying to find someone to "be" with. Whatever that means. Can we all just ease up on the pressure? Please? I'm talking to you. All of you. Parents, friends, random guy at the bar. Chill out. Stop making love such a serious business. Love makes you happy, it shouldn't give you an eye twitch. Moving on.
Next mini-rant. Can we all agree that "friend" is a legitimate, healthy, loving relationship option? Nothing makes my skin crawl more than having to explain that I am "just" friends with someone. Talk about cheapening something. It truly pisses me off. Mom, Dad, I know you want me to be happy, which for some reason translates to "married", but having to qualify every interaction I have with a male as "just friends" or "gay" is quite irksome. This goes for all of my (female/gay) friends, as well. Just because most of you don't believe in a girl and a guy being honestly "just friends" doesn't mean I'm hiding my feelings from you/myself. I enjoy spending time with straight males. In a non-sexual, non-romantic way. And I love them. Because they are my friends. So… stop. I promise I'll tell you if I'm dating someone. Just don't hold your breath.
I do, though. I love my friends. I think about them, I'm happy for their happiness, and I worry about them when something is amiss. Isn't that love? I love random people on the street. I love popsicles and The Wizard of Oz. I love snow and my family and hockey. I love lots of things. I think it's too bad that people are stingy with their love, or think "love" only applies to relationships that could eventually lead to an "I do". Or that people don't express their love in fear that it will freak out the person on the receiving end.
So maybe this Valentine's Day we can take love off its pedestal and start reveling in the love around us. Instead of focusing on the love you don't have this February 14th, you can embrace the love you do have. Make today about your friends and family, or even someone you just bumped into. Tell a friend you were thinking about them today, tell a friend you love them.
And then listen to the Muppets station on Pandora. Muppets = Love.
Interesting perspective. The ancient Greeks had a similar perspective. They actually had a number of different words for love, and for them there were different types of love (http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love). I think the real challenge that we face today is that we are trying to communicate different feelings with one word. I think the Greeks may have had it right to begin with. Why use the same word for such different emotions?
ReplyDelete