Public Service Announcement

Look.  I don't like to be touched.  I never have.  Just ask my Aunt Lisa.  She was always so disappointed that I wasn't a cute and cuddly child.  Cute, yes, just not cuddly.

Before you ask, my parents did not abuse me, nor did anyone else.  This was something I was asked fairly frequently throughout high school, because I didn't want anyone in my bubble.  I have wonderful parents who hugged me, and nothing sinister in my past, just a very defined sense of personal space.  And I'm pretty good about warning new people about my tendency to freak out if they invade said space...

SO DON'T.  I do let people I feel comfortable with give me hugs or touch my hair, and if I don't, it doesn't mean that I hate you.  I have very close family and friends who giving a hug is a very awkward and claustrophobic event for me.  And if I give someone else a hug in front of you, that does not give everyone within that square mile permission to come up and embrace me as well.  When did it become a social insult to deny someone physical contact?  Sure, I'm on the more extreme end, but IT IS MY RIGHT TO DENY ANYONE A HUG.  Overreacting you say?  Probably, but if you want to hug me that badly, I would hope that you are my friend and would therefore respect my wishes.

And I'll admit, it's pretty arbitrary.  I don't have a formula for who I will and will not hug/let hug me.  But pressing me about it does not move you up on my list.  Give me a high five.  I love high fives.  Get to know me.  Ask permission before SWOOPING DOWN ON ME OR LAYING HANDS ON ME IN ANY WAY.  I don't care how innocent or how pure your intentions are.  Asking permission first at least gives me some warning.  Because I have a tendency to flail and/or hit.  Which is very amusing for any bystanders, but not very amusing for YOU.  It also shows that you acknowledge my weirdness and are trying to work with it.

You know what else?  I'm not just talking about straight boys, here.  EVERYONE.  Surprised?  Maybe you thought that this was some sort of vendetta against those awkward boys who can't take social cues. Well, it's not.  Guess what?  Over the years, most of my closest friends who I hug the most have been awkward straight boys.  Gasp!  Shock!  Awe!  Yeah, stick that in your overly judgmental pipe and smoke it.

How does this work in theatre?  It's kind of dodgy.  I've definitely gotten better, and I'm usually fortunate enough to work with people for whom I have respect and who seem to respect me, and we work it out.  But sometimes I'm all, "I don't know you!  Why are you hugging me?  Because we're theatre people?  I'm sorry, I didn't know that my BFA was an open invitation to have strangers attack." Yes, most theatre people are very touchy-feely, and I'm kind of the odd one out, but that doesn't mean that I don't get to dictate what makes me uncomfortable.

And there are points where I cross the threshold.  One day I may not hug you, the next day, hugs galore (within reason).  It's just how I operate.

That is all.