The Autumn of Humanity

Autumn is a really weird word.  That's not at all what this post is going to be about, but as I typed the title, I couldn't help double guessing at the spelling (which I actually do for most words) and growing suspicious that spell check wasn't catching my mistake.  A-u-t-u-m-n?  So odd.  I'm going to have to remember that the next time I play Scrabble.  That's got to be worth a good chunk of change, while getting rid of a few 'u's.

NOT THE POINT.

So distractable.

This post is actually a condemnation of the autumnal phenomenon that has taken place for the past seven or so odd years.  It's what one of my friends has termed "the uniform".  We've all seen it.  Tween, teen, and not so teen girls and women galavanting around in their black leggings and hip-length zippy (usually North Face).  What's with that?  No.  Really.  Someone tell me why this is a thing.

Is it a status symbol?  "Look!  I'm not old enough to make my own money, but I am allowed to make my own wardrobe choices, so I'm going to choose these name brand things that everyone recognizes!"?  Because Lord knows a North Face fleece is not that visually pleasing.  The most that can be said for them is that sometimes they're brightly colored, and I've heard people say they're comfortable.

Is that what this is about?  Comfort?  I will always get on board for being comfy, but there are so many more interesting ways to do it.  THAT NOT EVERYONE ELSE IS WEARING.  You don't like jeans?  Neither do I!  I don't own a single pair of blue jeans, and yet I still manage to put something on the bottom half of my body that covers my butt, is comfortable, and is interesting.

I don't know why this bothers me so much.  It really shouldn't.  What does it matter what people are wearing?  It has absolutely no bearing on my life.  It's not hurting me, or anyone else, in any way.  But it's still THE WORST.

Maybe it's because I love clothes so much.  To me, clothes are a wonderfully functional way to express who you are as an individual on a daily basis.  There are so many different colors, patterns, fabrics, cuts, silhouettes, and combinations!  Clothes can make you feel happy, protected, sassy, sexy, playful, relaxed, confident, professional, fun, epic, fierce, festive, smart, sporty, or numerous other things.  I can't begrudge you if one day you wake up and say, "You know what?  What I really need today is to feel the comfortable safety of my favorite black leggings and my warm and comfy North Face.  Especially considering I'm just going to be hanging around the house."  Great.  Perfect.  Live your dream.  But don't tell me that that's how all those people feel everyday.

And, let's face it, we all make judgements based on how people dress.  We are a visual species.  I'm not saying all these judgements are negative or exclusive, but we form ideas about others based on what they're wearing.  I feel like it's poor communication if you aren't portraying who you ARE when you pick out your clothes.  WHO ARE YOU???  But I guess you're doing me a favor if you're dressing like that.  I'm probably not going to talk to you.

Also, pack mentality scares me, and when it's as obvious as seven girls dressed in all the same outfit, I get really uncomfortable.  Ha!  See!  It does have bearing on my life.  Scary teenager clones make me uncomfortable.  Are you really that afraid to stand out from your group of friends?  Why do you need so badly to belong?  Sure, you may eventually grow out of this phase, and maybe being an anonymous part of a group allows you the luxury of self introspection and growth without calling attention to yourself, BUT WHAT IF YOU DON'T?  These humans are only associating with other humans who think like themselves.  And have the means to buy these pricey items.  How are you going to gain perspective if you only hang out with the legging crowd?

Anyway.  I hope everyone is having a good fall thus far.  I've already had my requisite Pumpkin Spice Latte, so I'm feeling pretty good about things.  

 

August is Like Ohio

On July 31st I was overcome with great joy because it was Harry Potter's birthday.

That joy was quickly smothered by panic.  Panic that the following day was August 1st.  I hate August.  I seem to hate a lot of things.  But that's because people seem to like to hear about the things I hate, so I continue to write about them.  It's all YOUR fault I have so much hatred.

Anyway.  August.  August is that month of weird limbo.  July is great because it is the midst of summer; it always seems like you have all the time in the world to swim, bask in the sun, and barbecue.  If you are the kind of person to swim and bask and barbecue.  For me, summer was almost always that precious break from school, where I was allowed to read whatever I wanted.  Augusts hits and then BAM! only one month left to do all of those summer things!  Sure, it's still an entire month, but behind every August outing is a sense of urgency.  All of a sudden, the summer check list seems impossibly long and you know you're never going to get it all done before September.

Of course, this feeling stems from the idea that one is going back to school in September, which I am not.  But I always forget that.  It's just so engrained in my psyche.  September = School.  Which is amazing.  I wish I were still going back to school, but I'm also so happy that I don't have to do homework (because I did do my homework every so often).

Honestly?  I'm not actually a huge fan of summer.  June?  Lovely.  July?  Fine.  August?  I'm over it.  August is what stands in between my waning tolerance of heat and sun and that most perfect of seasons: autumn.  By the time August hits, all I want is to wear tights and jackets and scarves, pick apples, and gorge myself on a profane amount of absurdly pumpkin flavored goodies.  August is like Ohio at the end of your family road trip back from Florida.  Yes, the vacation and sun are over, but you're not quite home free.  You have to schlep through a state that does not look that intimidating on the map, but feels like an eternity while driving through it.  And it offers NOTHING.

That's a lie.  There are some good things in Ohio.  You know, Cedar Point and Tony Paco's.  But at this point, you're not looking to enjoy your time in Ohio, you're looking to get back to Michigan.  That's how I feel about August.  Yes, it has some merits, it can still be enjoyed, but really, I just want to get to September.  I don't want to wear sunblock anymore.  I don't want to continue to drive past flat fields and colleges.  I want fall.  I want Michigan.

So close.