That Stupid Puppet

You know what crazy about acting?  You fall in love/hate/like/friendship and every other sort of emotion with people on stage in the course of an hour and forty-five minutes.

I think that's one of the reasons I really like acting.  I'm not a big "let's be emotionally bonded" type of person, but I can get little dollops of human connection while I'm acting, walking away from the whole experience safe and sound.  Want to hear something weird?  I fall in love with a stupid blonde puppet.  It is the most ridiculous looking thing in the world -- an inanimate object.  And I, also the extension of a puppet (though mine is brown and furry), fall head over heels for the thing.

For the course of the show, I barely look at the actor who has his hand up that puppet.  Eye contact is made with two googly eyes.  And yet, I am over the moon when he hands me a mixed CD, pissed off when I realize that "Fat-Bottomed Girls" was included on said CD, giddy about going on a date, jealous of the slutty puppet, ecstatic when he wants to be my boyfriend, and crushed when he breaks up with me.  IT'S A PUPPET.  (Does anyone else hold down the shift when writing in all caps, or does pretty much everyone hit the caps lock?  I always forget it's there.)  

But what does that say about the human mind?  To what level can we delude ourselves?  What is it that clicks on or off which allows a person to feel these feeling for a bit of fleece with hair?  And it can't just be me.  I mean, even if the other actors on stage aren't getting all mushy for my puppet, the audience is. Most of the audience members love the puppets.  And, let's be real now, EVERYONE loves the Muppets.  I read in the amazing book my amazing friend sent me about Avenue Q, and in a documentary about Elmo, that Muppet-esque puppets are so great because so many people can relate to them.  When they are funny colors and furry, no one is excluded.  When a puppet is green or blue or orange, it can be any race.  I think that is such a brilliantly simple concept.  Is that why it is so easy to connect to and relate with the puppets?  Are we seeing ourselves and others when we watch these shows?   

Another thing.  My mom, after seeing a photo of my puppet, told me that Kate Monster wasn't very attractive.  I think Kate is amazing and super cute.  In the aforementioned book, the creators of Avenue Q said that Kate Monster had body/self-image issues.  This was something I never associated with her character before, but like I said, I think Kate is great.  And here's a little quote from a local man's blog about her, "And who wouldn't fall in love with Fritsch's Kate, someone you want to wrap your arms around and keep from harm?"  I (usually) hate hugs.  Kate seems to need them. 

Acting is crazy.  Puppets are crazy. 

Glasses

I hate fake glasses.  I hate them.  Hate hate HATE.  Hate is a strong word, you say?  Good.  Because this feeling of dislike I have is a whopper.

Now, I've debated with myself whether or not I have a right to hate on fake glasses and the people who wear them.  (I guess I don't really hate the people who wear fake glasses, that's a bit unfair, but I definitely don't trust them.)  They can technically be considered an accessory, I suppose.  It's like wearing a belt when you don't actually need one, right?  Sure, when I'm wearing a belt with a pair or jeans or trousers, it's because they will fall down otherwise, but sometimes I wear a belt with a dress just because I like the way it looks.  It gives me a more defined waist and completes the ensemble.  Those people who wear suspenders AND belts, though?  Don't get me started.  That's a complete blog post in itself.  But do you see where I'm coming from?  Am I being too harsh?  I would hate to be a hypocrite because I condemned fake glasses and then went around in a superfluous belt.

And then I decided I don't care.  Call me out on whatever you want, but I will not back down on the issue of fake glasses.  True, I'm not a big fan of functionless accessories... at least on me.  Feel free to rock out all the jewelry you want, but I'm going to stick to my watches, shoes, scarves, clothes, and glasses.  I like things that are both fabulous and useful.  Hair flair kind of toes the line.  I like a good headband, but it doesn't actually do much.  Sometimes it aides in creating a certain hairstyle, so we're going to say it counts.

Back to faux glasses. Why are you wearing them?  A fashion statement, you say?  You think it looks "cool"?  When did this happen?  I thought that glasses were supposed to be the anti-cool.  Is this the hipsters' fault?  Is this all about irony?  Are you wearing cheap chunks of plastic on your face to make a point?  Well, if that's how it started, I'm pretty sure something went wrong.  Because there are plenty out there who are donning fake glasses who I'm sure the hipsters DO NOT want to claim.  Also, "I wear them because they make me look smarter" is not okay.  Just BE smarter, and you'll look smarter.  To me, wearing fake glasses seems really silly, thus negating any perceived IQ points.  Are you now asking if I think glasses are cool?  Of course I do, because mine are flippin' sweet.  And I rock those glasses because they help me see, and I bought rockin' glasses because people have to look at them.  Like my clothes, I want my glasses to reflect who I am.  What are fake glasses reflecting about you?  "Fake" is not something I would want as a describer, but that just me.

Am I bitter?  Maybe.  Maybe I'm tired of people asking me, "Are those real?" and "Do you actually need those?"  Maybe I'm pissed off that I had to endure years of playing sports in glasses, and that meant that those eyepieces were permanently askew from various collisions.  And that they're always fogging up or collecting rain water, and other little annoyances that only true glasses wearers know about.  I feel like I've paid my dues to wear the awesome specs I have today.  I've grown to love my glasses.  Maybe I just feel protective.  MAYBE I just want to keep people from being like me in a desperate attempt to hold on to my individuality.  Also, the people who wear contacts and THEN fake glasses?  Just go buy some glasses you like or wear the contacts.  You're the worst.

You know what fake glasses are kind of like?  Wearing fake braces on your teeth.