Glasses

I hate fake glasses.  I hate them.  Hate hate HATE.  Hate is a strong word, you say?  Good.  Because this feeling of dislike I have is a whopper.

Now, I've debated with myself whether or not I have a right to hate on fake glasses and the people who wear them.  (I guess I don't really hate the people who wear fake glasses, that's a bit unfair, but I definitely don't trust them.)  They can technically be considered an accessory, I suppose.  It's like wearing a belt when you don't actually need one, right?  Sure, when I'm wearing a belt with a pair or jeans or trousers, it's because they will fall down otherwise, but sometimes I wear a belt with a dress just because I like the way it looks.  It gives me a more defined waist and completes the ensemble.  Those people who wear suspenders AND belts, though?  Don't get me started.  That's a complete blog post in itself.  But do you see where I'm coming from?  Am I being too harsh?  I would hate to be a hypocrite because I condemned fake glasses and then went around in a superfluous belt.

And then I decided I don't care.  Call me out on whatever you want, but I will not back down on the issue of fake glasses.  True, I'm not a big fan of functionless accessories... at least on me.  Feel free to rock out all the jewelry you want, but I'm going to stick to my watches, shoes, scarves, clothes, and glasses.  I like things that are both fabulous and useful.  Hair flair kind of toes the line.  I like a good headband, but it doesn't actually do much.  Sometimes it aides in creating a certain hairstyle, so we're going to say it counts.

Back to faux glasses. Why are you wearing them?  A fashion statement, you say?  You think it looks "cool"?  When did this happen?  I thought that glasses were supposed to be the anti-cool.  Is this the hipsters' fault?  Is this all about irony?  Are you wearing cheap chunks of plastic on your face to make a point?  Well, if that's how it started, I'm pretty sure something went wrong.  Because there are plenty out there who are donning fake glasses who I'm sure the hipsters DO NOT want to claim.  Also, "I wear them because they make me look smarter" is not okay.  Just BE smarter, and you'll look smarter.  To me, wearing fake glasses seems really silly, thus negating any perceived IQ points.  Are you now asking if I think glasses are cool?  Of course I do, because mine are flippin' sweet.  And I rock those glasses because they help me see, and I bought rockin' glasses because people have to look at them.  Like my clothes, I want my glasses to reflect who I am.  What are fake glasses reflecting about you?  "Fake" is not something I would want as a describer, but that just me.

Am I bitter?  Maybe.  Maybe I'm tired of people asking me, "Are those real?" and "Do you actually need those?"  Maybe I'm pissed off that I had to endure years of playing sports in glasses, and that meant that those eyepieces were permanently askew from various collisions.  And that they're always fogging up or collecting rain water, and other little annoyances that only true glasses wearers know about.  I feel like I've paid my dues to wear the awesome specs I have today.  I've grown to love my glasses.  Maybe I just feel protective.  MAYBE I just want to keep people from being like me in a desperate attempt to hold on to my individuality.  Also, the people who wear contacts and THEN fake glasses?  Just go buy some glasses you like or wear the contacts.  You're the worst.

You know what fake glasses are kind of like?  Wearing fake braces on your teeth.