Valentine's Day

I know haters are going to hate, but...

I really like Valentine's Day.  A lot.  You know why?  Because it is a holiday and holidays are awesome.  And I have never been .5 of a couple, so you can't throw that, "You're not single" nonsense in my face.  So there.

You may claim that this is a day that puts unnecessary stress on relationships, is merely the capitalist construct of the greeting card/flower/chocolate companies, or that it singles out all of those (supposedly) sad single ladies.  But I cry no!  Every Valentine's Day, I dwell not on the fact that I do not have some Romeo, but rather bask in the memories of Valentine's Day elementary school style.  Those glory days when February 14th meant that most of the school day was not spent learning (though, we all know I loved learning), but going through all of the Valentines in your special, handmade, disgustingly red and pink mailbox.  In fact, there was even time spent earlier in the week, not on studies, but on festooning said shoeboxes with paper doilies.  And glitter.  GLITTER.  Enough said?  I'll go on.

I don't know about all of you, but my mom and I did not buy into the whole "buy the pre-made, pop-culturally relevant, tiny Valentines" schtick (destroying those capitalists' plans), because a) since when have I known what's going on in pop-culture, b) they never had Wizard of Oz Valentines, and c) we were super crafty, even back in the day.  Along with being perpetually crafty, I've also been a pretty consistent procrastinator, meaning that the week of Valentine's Day also meant I usually got to stay up kind of late to finish my masterpieces.  They usually involved extensive rubber stamping, and let me tell you, I was a very creative, detail oriented child.  These Valentines were spectacular... and almost always Wizard of Oz themed.  Yes, I own Wizard of Oz rubber stamps.  None of this should surprise you.  I have to say, my mom was a champ through all of this.  Kudos, Mom.  Love you and your patience.

Now, back to school.  Cookies, cakes, candy, and cards.  Ah, the alliteration and the sugar rush.  Sure, some of the more popular kids had extra boxes of candy in their little cubbies, but who cared?  I was still proud of the assembly line I had created to produce 27 handmade cards in one night.  I was sorting out my candy hearts so we could make a bar graph of all the different colors.  I was... a huge nerd.  But I had a cookie, so it was all good.

Harry Potter

Since we're talking about my obsessions...

I still love the Harry Potter books, and movies, but mostly books.  Currently, I am sporting my Gryffindor scarf and I listen to Jim Dale read me J. K. Rowling's words to lull me to sleep.  The obsession is real and that's fine.  Because of how much this glorious work of fiction has enriched my life, I've let a few things slide, especially as far as continuity goes.  I've let go of the fact that Ginny's eyes change color from the beginning to the end of the series, that Hagrid tells Harry that his dad was a Head Boy in book one, but then it is revealed that James was never even a Prefect in book five, and that at first it's just Neville's dad who is an Auror, but then it becomes both his parents' careers.  Whate'er.  Aint' no thing to me. Like I said, I've moved past these tiny details that really shouldn't bother me... (Mostly)

What I have NOT moved past is the distinct lack of grandparents throughout the entire series.  WHERE ARE THEY? (Insert frustrated hand waving)  It is obvious that wizards are perfectly capable of living past the age of 55... unless they procreate?  Think about it: None of the super old characters have kids and none of the characters over the age of 30 have parents.  Where are they?  The exception, of course, is Neville and his tenacious, hat wearing grandmother.  (Love her)  But, besides the two of them?  Nothing.  I understand that if Harry had grandparents on either side of his family there wouldn't be the whole Dursley situation, and that would be less interesting, but it seems hard to believe.  I may have been able to suspend my disbelief for Harry, but then it became a constant phenomenon.  WTF, J.K.?  Harry?  No grandparents.  Lupin?  No parents.  Sirius?  No parents, just an annoying portrait.  Tonks? Well, she hadn't turned 30 yet, so she started with both parents.  Malfoys?  Nothing is ever mentioned.  The Weasleys?  An unmarried, great-Auntie Muriel who has made it to be 107 years old, but no grandparents.  And it seems unlikely that Hermione would fail to mention her Grandma and Grandpa if she had any.  She's just not the type.

I guess I should be happy that Ms. Rowling gave up this trend for the Epilogue of book seven, making a reference to "Granddad Weasley".  Thank goodness for that.

Star Wars and The Wizard of Oz

This is NOT a comparison between the two.

This IS a general acknowledgement that these four movies (we aren't even going to dignify Episodes I - III with inclusion) are probably the most referenced films of all time.  Now, please don't run off to your precious Google and look up what is "technically" the most referenced film of all time... that's not the point right now.  The point is that the internet is ruining the fact that I can't make up facts anymore.

No.  The point is that you can nary get through a day without... okay, I just went on Google to do a bit of light digging.  My claims are justified, even if they're not definitive.  Moving on.  

Not moving on.  In my searchings I happened upon a blog that had an entry titled "Top 10: Most Quoted Movies of all Time (With help from my facebook friends)".  It ended up being a list made from personal opinion and observation (much like what I'm doing here), but she put Star Wars at number 10... BECAUSE SHE HAD NEVER SEEN ANY OF THEM.  The blog is entitled "Ranting in the Dark".  Don't rant in the dark, ma'am, watch Star Wars  in the dark.  Rant in the light.

What I'm saying here is not these movies are the most quoted (though they all have some good ones), but rather they are alluded to in books, TV shows, advertisements, commercials (which no one watches), comedy sketches, daily conversation, and other films.  It is generally accepted that these allusions will be understood by the population at large, no matter their age, race, financial standing, or intelligence.  The book I am currently read (Lamb by Christopher Moore) has already referenced both, and thus far I have found Mr. Moore to be an incredibly witty individual who chooses his words and ideas well.  These are the movies, the relatable popular culture pieces of our collective history, he chose.  Because he knew that they, and he, would be understood.  If that particular piece of literature is a little too esoteric for those out there, how about this.  Think upon How I Met Your Mother, and what that show would be like if you had never seen Star Wars: Episodes IV-VI, or... well, let's face it, have you ever made it through a day without encountering something having to do with Oz?  I know, I know, the quotes and the concepts are so widely known, that there is really no point to watching the movies at this juncture, right?  WRONG.  Watch the movies.  They are excellent and part of our collective consciousness.  And I will openly judge you if you don't.  Just as I did a complete stranger at a museum one day (true story, and I hope she went home and watched The Wizard of Oz) and just as I did today when one of my former college roommates told me she had never seen any of her Star Wars. Her fiancé was on my side.

If nothing else, use these films as tools when meeting new people/trying to date.  It's a safe bet that everyone has seen these movies, and so they are a ready topic of conversation or a way to make a joke. Ladies, that guy you like probably has some strong opinions about Star Wars.  Dudes, why do you think ladies love red shoes?  These are crazy generalizations, of course.  Obviously, there are plenty of girls out there who love Star Wars, too.  Ladies, if your date brings up how much he loves the Wizard of Oz... well, that's probably going to be a very useful bit of information.

Toilets

Specifically public ones.

Let it be known, I don't have crazy high standards for toilets or bathrooms.  I grew up with one bathroom, which was so small that anyone over the height of 5'4" had to either put their feet in the tub or sit sidesaddle.  I'm not sure how things worked for the approximately 49% of the population who stood while doing their thing, but seeing as they usually forgot to put the seat down, their feedback is less important.  This is only kind of relevant to the topic at hand.

I don't need leg room to pee, all I want is the choice of when to flush the toilet.  I understand that the auto-flush means that I don't have to touch the lever/button/whatever, but I'm intending to wash my hands anyway, so I think I'll be okay.  Also, I'm pretty awesome at flushing with my shoe.  It actually makes me feel pretty epic to kung fu flush, so why take that away from me?  And if there are people out there who are really worried about touching the handle/do-hicky of a public toilet, but are still using public toilets, I think they really need to reevaluate.  Either they need to stop using public facilities or figure out a way to flush the toilet.  Harsh?  Maybe.  I don't care, though.  Because I really hate auto-flushing.  This is purely selfish, by the way.  This is not a cry against auto-flushing because it wastes water, but rather a rally against the inevitable phenomenon that is premature flush.    

Sounds terrible, doesn't it?  Well, it is.  Is it partly my own fault?  Kind of, but it's still not fair.  Just because I am usually adorned in some sort of skirt/long cardigan/scarf/coat/dress that I don't want to baptize in tribute to the porcelain gods, does not mean it's just for me to get a complimentary bidet treatment.  Speaking plainly, I usually have to shift around so that my clothes or accessories don't end up taking a dip in the toilet water, and this movement usually sets off the flusher before I am well clear of the splash zone.  How is that more sanitary than flushing the toilet when I'm good and ready?  Plus, I  end up wasting more water with the auto-flush, due to the fact I was never given a fighting chance to throw the can cover into the bowl.

All I'm saying is that would like to be trusted with the simple task of flushing the toilet.  I think I can handle it.

The Snow Day Effect

Yet another reason home schooled kids are just a little bit off.

Everyone (or, almost everyone) knows that there is nothing better than a snow day.  Conversely, there is nothing worse than expecting a snow day, not doing any of your homework (but telling your mom you did), and then being awoken the next day by said mother only to realize that the weather people had once again blown the wintery precipitation completely out of proportion.  Oh, and the fact that your district is one of the only walking districts in the reporting area and having to deal with the fact that your school is THE ONLY ONE THAT STILL HAS CLASS.  This will take years to come to terms with, but is not, in fact, the Snow Day Effect.  The Snow Day Effect, henceforth referred to as the SDE, is the second worse thing that could NOT happen on a potential snow day.  This silver medal of snow day disappointments is not knowing you have a snow day until it is 10am and you've already slept in.  Confused?  See, I want to know I'm sleeping in.  I want to be made fully aware that I am sleeping at a time I would normally be sitting in a desk... WHILE I'M SLEEPING.  I don't think there is any better kind of sleep, and so I had a strict rule that my loving mum had to wake me up at my "normal" school time, tell me I have a snow day, and let me fall back into the most blissful of sleeps.  This, friends, is the SDE.  If, heaven forbid, my mom refrains from waking me up at an ungodly hour just to tell me that I can go back to sleep, the SDE is not achieved.  While I still may be scoring the same hours of extra shuteye, non-SDE sleep is just not the same.

Interestingly, I have grown to love the SDE so much, that I actually started setting my alarm hours before I have to wake up, not so that I am sure to arrive to any obligations in a timely manner, but rather so I can experience SDE sleep on a daily basis.  Awesome?  Yes.  I even let my alarm go off when there is NO specific time I need to be conscious (pause for consideration of the words "conscious", "conscience", and their specific etymologies), meaning that my atomic clock is going off at 7am even if I have no where to go until the afternoon.  So lovely.

On a similar note, if I actually have to wake up early and am worried about possibly oversleeping, my body will sometimes jolt me awake every hour, on the hour, starting at 3am.  This phenomenon can have one of two effects.  Either I a) have a repeated SDE experience or b) end up being so tired from the restlessness that I ultimately oversleep.  Less lovely.

Unfortunately, the era of the true SDE is a short one.  Once you go to college, you're usually stuck with waking up and checking the computer for a snow day.  Or, more often than not, you truly think that classes will be canceled, and they're not.  Sometimes, you make it all the way to campus, and though the university has made no official cancelation, your professor couldn't make it and somehow you didn't get the mass text.  Actually, that happened more when there wasn't snow.  And then you enter the real world, which, unless you're a teacher, does not include snow days.  Thus killing the pure SDE.  Unless you're in London.  Four inches and that whole place freaks out and shuts down.